If Jesus Had a Blog Nobody'd Read It.

ice-nine:

joshishollywood:

Okay, so

• I was waiting at the bus stop at Hopedale Mall because I didn’t want to walk home with my groceries
• This dirty-looking fuck comes up and says something obnoxious to an older gentleman in the bus shelter, I wasn’t really listening but I think he was pretending to be mall security and was telling the guy he couldn’t smoke there
• Then he waves at me and gestures for me to take my headphones off, and for reasons beyond my understanding, I obliged
• Then he asks me, “Nice sideburns kid, do they come in male?”
• What
• I told him that didn’t really make a whole lot of sense and that he clearly hadn’t thought that through
• He muttered something that I’m pretty sure was some sort of epithet
• I mean come on dude
• Let’s just assume for a second that my sexuality and gender identity are actually at a state where a comment from you would significantly impact me
• I’m going to go ahead and take a guess that if you’re obnoxious enough to accost a bunch of strangers at a bus stop with your blazing ignorance, there’s a good chance you don’t know anyone who identifies as anything other than male with sideburns even remotely resembling mine
• I mean, in all my years of knowing transgender/non-binary people, I’ve never encountered anyone who identifies as anything other than male with sideburns even remotely resembling mine
• And of all things for you to attempt to insult my masculinity with, why would you go for sideburns
• Especially when I’m sitting at a bus stop in a bright green cardigan and skinny jeans with a leather messenger bag, four litres of homo milk and I’m quite obviously listening to Sara Bareilles
• I handed you opportunities to make an honest effort on a silver platter and you fucked that up
• How do you fuck that up
• How does your thought process even work
• How have you managed to make it to your age without stumbling into traffic
• This fucking town, I swear to god

i just love everything about this post. 

Love.

Wait….what’s homo milk? Soy? Powdered? A big bag of sperm? What?

I learned from 15 years with an iguana that no one, not even nerds, should keep exotic pets because it’s just not right for the animal 99% of the time.

But I would still kill a man to have a baby platypus as a pet.

He would have to be a real douchebag. And I would have to do it myself, just to make it fair. No subcontracting this out. Dead Douche = Baby Platypus. THAT’S the deal Kathleen. Stop trying to take the easy way out….to your imaginary baby platypus via ‘murder in’ by some cheating method like contracting it out on Craigslist (or wherever the kids go for murder needs these days..).

/Broad City Finale Premiere junk food long drive late night mind melty

EDIT: Why is everything contract killing with me? Geez. Us girls, amirite?!

(via idontdosubtle)